I started using dating apps in 2013 when I was in poly, so I’d consider myself an online dating veteran of sorts. Name all the mainstream dating apps off the top of your head, and I’ve tried pretty much all of them. From the age of 18 onwards, I swiped up a storm in the hopes of finding love. And in the process, met all sorts of characters – the good, the bad, and the downright toxic.

As you’d imagine, I’ve also been through a whirlwind of dating misadventures, from being catfished multiple times to getting ghosted by a “situationship” 1 week before my birthday – and subsequently spiralling into an emotional breakdown.

Having found love in 2021 – shoutout to OkCupid – I’ve officially retired from the online dating scene. Here are some pearls of wisdom I’d like to share with singletons out there with whom I used to be in the same boat. 

1. Be upfront with what you want so you don’t bark up the wrong tree

The flexibility and lack of restrictions when it comes to dating apps could also be the greatest bane. Users can freely look for whatever they desire, from lifelong love to a casual fling.

Young me used to have flimsy, almost non-existent standards when it came to expressing what I wanted. The answer was: a proper boyfriend, and to experience my first love.

But I allowed myself to be okay with casual dating relationships, faux-mances – essentially providing girlfriend-levels of companionship without the commitment, and even became guys’ “texting buddies”.

It was a common occurrence to be filled with glee and excitement when a new match sends a text, only to realise that they’re just after a hookup and nothing more.
Image credit: Renae Cheng

This led to time wasted and emotions invested into guys I was never going to build something serious with. Plus tears and heartbreak when they inevitably broke it to me that my feelings of attachment weren’t reciprocated in the slightest.

Tip: State on your profile what type of connection you’re seeking, so you only attract those who are on the same page. If you find that a lil too serious and fear that it might scare potential matches off, make sure to bring it up in the initial stages of texting or – at the very least – during the first meet-up.

That way, you and the other party are both aware of what direction the connection is blossoming towards, and there won’t be misaligned expectations along the way.

2. Playing “the game” to protect your pride will only drain you

In modern dating, almost everyone is on self-preservation mode to make sure their heart doesn’t get broken, and that they don’t lose face. Compared to bygone days of romance where it was admirable to wear your heart on your sleeve, people now play a game of who can appear more disinterested, even when they’re actually keen on the other party. 

Overthinking minute details like how long they’re taking to reply to a text will wreak havoc on your psyche over time.
Image for illustration only.

This leads to petty acts like having to wait a set number of hours before replying so you don’t seem despo, or not expressing things like, “I’m really looking forward to our first meet-up tonight!” – ‘cause you think it’ll make you seem overeager.

Being so guarded is a disservice not only to our own feelings, but to the other party as well – who might very well wind up being a genuine love connection.

Tip: Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?”. Someone who you’re likely not to cross paths with again if y’all don’t end up dating, wandering around with the knowledge that you actually liked them? 

Even if they do go around telling people that you were too into them, it accomplishes nothing except making them sound like a cocky A-hole, and you would’ve dodged a bullet.

On the flipside, consider how many potential love connections you may have missed out on ‘cause you wanted to appear cool and aloof – leading the other party to think that you weren’t that interested.

Life’s too short to worry endlessly about unwritten rules and whether you have “the upper hand”. Feel freely, love strongly, and if the other party doesn’t reciprocate it, at least you’d have clarity and will be able to move on with #NoRagrets.

3. The right person won’t require you to bend your boundaries

I used to be guilty of downplaying my matches’ shortcomings, focusing only on positioning myself as someone who’s Ms Right for whoever I was messaging at the time. I even convinced myself that I could like things that I wasn’t interested in, just to have more in common with the other party.

Or, even more tragically, that I could bend my boundaries to suit their ideal type and dating style. This meant dressing a certain way just so they’d find me more attractive, or claiming I’m not big on texting when in reality, I would love to have sweet little text convos with my partner throughout the day.

Tip: Being 100% authentic acts as a wonderful filter to weed off matches with whom you are simply not meant to be.

For instance, I used to heavily suppress expressing my love for kids out of fear that guys on dating apps would think that I were some baby-obsessed psycho who expects them to fertilise me ASAP. But with my partner, it was one of the first things we bonded over and it allowed us to identify a common trait from the get-go.

For the record, that is not our kid, but my boyfriend’s nephew LOL.
Image adapted from: Renae Cheng

If I were to conceal that fact about myself, I might have ended up attracting other dudes but at what cost? Finding out somewhere down the line that they don’t like kids, and never wish to have any? In the wise words of a certain Ms Grande, Thank U, Next.

4. It’s better to be single & happy than attached with the wrong person

As crude as it sounds, my years of online dating experience have led to a firm belief in the saying: “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably sh*t.”

Throughout my young adulthood, I was so desperate for love and companionship that I’d deem every new dating app connection to be The One. This meant making them the centre of my universe even though we’d only just met, fantasising about our picture-perfect love story, and doing foolish things in an attempt to make them “want” me. 

A truly sobering experience: reading old texts between me and my confidantes where I was delusional to the point of no salvation.
Image credit: Renae Cheng

They say hindsight is 20/20, and looking back it’s crystal clear that the intense infatuation I felt for various dates I met online was one-sided. My wake-up call was when the nth situationship cut me off with no rhyme or reason after a seemingly normal, and even sweet date.

For the uninitiated, a situationship is in between friendship and a relationship, where you’re dating but not necessarily official yet. We did all the things a couple would do, and certainly acted like boyfriend and girlfriend throughout a period of several weeks.

When he ghosted me a week before my birthday, I was shell-shocked and went into an emotional spiral, spam-calling him and pleading for answers over text. Despite the cruelty of cutting me off at the height of my developing feelings, I foolishly believed that it’s something I could forgive him for, and wanted nothing but to “get back together” with him. 

Emo IG posts were part and parcel of the “breakup” recovery process…*cringe*
Image credit: Renae Cheng

Only when the fog lifted did I realise that it wasn’t him as a person whom I liked and wanted a relationship with – but the mere idea of finally having a boyfriend.

In fact, even before the near-sociopathic act of ghosting someone out of nowhere after treating them like you were in love with them, he already exhibited red flags galore. Being verbally abusive when I didn’t respond to his texts immediately, demanding to know of my whereabouts 24/7, guilting me for having male interactions – the whole nine yards.

Tip: It’s easier said than done, but you do not need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I know exactly how unbearable it can get, especially when the loneliness creeps in and you want nothing more than to have a special someone to share everything with, and experience all the magical aspects of love that they write pop songs about.

However, remind yourself that being single may be lonely, but at least you’re in control of your own life. This will allow you to be more stringent with your dating app connections, and not expect every single match to end up being “The One”. Remember, if someone is bringing you more grief and misery than joy, it’s hardly worth allowing them a spot in your life. 

5. Don’t overthink your physical insecurities

I’ve encountered my fair share of catfish experiences, from strategically angled profile pics to create optical illusions, to guys straight-up claiming they were someone that they’re clearly not. God bless Google’s reverse image search function.

Image for illustration only.

In dating apps where profiles are presented one after the other like cattle at an auction, it’s natural to feel fixated on appearance. Not to bombard you with too many clichéd quotes, but “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Would you really want to forge a future with someone whose only criteria for choosing a mate is whether they look hot?

As someone who had gone out with fellas in all shapes, sizes, and appearances, rest assured that most people are not as preoccupied with looks as you’d think. I, too, used to be insecure about things like my facial structure, and less-than-toned physique having been an overweight teenager prior to a K-pop weight loss transformation.

In terms of insecurities, it doesn’t get more confidence-crushing than to see your Tinder profile getting bashed on a forum, unprovoked.
Image credit: HardwareZone

Have I been made to feel crummy by guys who found me unattractive based on their own ideals? Yes. Did I proceed to hate my own appearance and vow never to show my physical self on dating apps for fear of being forever alone? Nah, not really.

Tip: Present yourself as you are, and people can choose to take it or leave it. Even if you’ve been traumatised by nasty comments or rejections in the past, don’t project it onto future potential matches.

As they say, different strokes for different folks. For all you know, there could be throngs of people out there who find you drop-dead gorgeous.

6. When someone is right for you, you won’t have to look for signs

After all the dating app mishaps I’ve shared with you, you might be wondering if a silver lining even exists amidst all these perils. As someone who has found someone online whom I undoubtedly want to spend the rest of my days with, I’m here to tell you that good guys/girls do exist on dating apps.

Now, the question begs: how will you know whether they’re right for you?

Not to get all abstract with you, but based on my years of experience, heartache, and countless nights sobbing into my pillow, my answer is: “you’ll just know”. Meanwhile, if you’re grasping at straws trying to conjure reasons as to whether they’re a good fit, chances are – you already have your answer.

Facts. Also, a little ironic that the show that this quote is from was recommended to me by a guy I met through a dating app, who ended up smashing my heart into smithereens.
Image credit: SineHub

My gal pals have served as agony aunts and confidantes throughout my innumerable failed dating attempts. They’d be quick to tell you how ridiculous I’d get when trying to ignore red flags, or make excuses for clearly intolerable behaviour.

In comparison, meeting and getting to know my partner gave me a sense of security and assurance I’d never felt before. He was also open and authentic, not hiding any part of himself nor expecting me to change who I am to fit some preconceived mould.

A photo taken on our first “monthsary”. We made things official just 3 weeks after matching online, which may be controversial to some – but it just seemed right.
Image credit: Renae Cheng

I used to scoff at people in love who dreamily shared that “when you know, you know”. But just like how all parents always say you’ll never understand how it feels till you have a kid yourself, it’s really something you have to experience to believe.

Tip: Whether it’s talking to new matches or going out with your online dates, be honest with yourself when looking for signs that someone is a good fit for you. Are you trying to force a connection out of nothing? Because if it really works, it shouldn’t be that difficult, and you most certainly should not be filled with doubt.

Sometimes, the signs pointing towards no are there all along, it’s up to you whether you want to heed them.

Relationship advice from someone who used dating apps for 8 years 

Dating app success stories are getting more and more common. Especially in Singapore, where it’s kind of hard to meet people other than through school, work, religious institutions, and mutual intros.

Dating app horror stories may be aplenty, and it’s understandable why some people are so averse to it.  But keep in mind that at the end of the day, good and bad people can be found everywhere, and the toxic dates aren’t lurking exclusively online.

Deleting your online dating account and clearing the apps from your phone ‘cause you’ve found love = one of the best feelings in life, I reckon.
Image adapted from: Vpn Mentor

If you’re weighing the pros and cons, consider the fact that dating apps open your options up way wider, and you can sift through potential matches at your convenience. Just look at me, I used various dating apps on and off from my poly and uni years all the way into proper working adulthood.

Through my suffering – or what I like to call character development and racking up XP so I can level-up in love and life – I hope you get some insight that can be beneficial in your dating and relationship adventures; whether you meet that special someone through a fateful swipe, or the old-fashioned way.

Check out our other love and relationship articles:

• Dating app mistakes Singaporeans make
• Being single in my 30s and why it’s okay
• Dating as a single mum in Singapore
• Love lessons learned through failed relationships

Cover image adapted from: Renae Cheng
Last updated 21st July 2022.

The post I Tried To Find Love On Dating Apps For 8 Years & Finally Found The One – Here Are 6 Things I Learnt appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

It’s not easy finding love in Singapore. Hectic work lives leave little time for dating and standards of living are high. And with current social distancing thrown into the mix, singles might be hard-pressed to find someone to settle down with for life. 

However, Adam*, 39, has opted for an alternative route when it comes to marriage. After no luck in the love department, he decided to approach a Vietnamese dating agency due to his yearning for a family. “I’m getting older, and I do want to have kids when I can,” he laments. Here’s his story on how he might be marrying a Vietnamese bride.

*Name has been changed to maintain confidentiality.

Looking for his other half

Adam, an engineer, has not had a girlfriend before, citing his introversion and small social circle as a challenge to meeting potential partners. “Girls don’t find me attractive one lah, also, I sometimes tend to tense up around people. Plus, I’m not young anymore,” he tells me. 

However, he loves kids and has always wanted to have his own. “I would like to have one boy and one girl, ideally,” he says. Adam’s eyes shine when he speaks of this hope, and he expresses that it’d be satisfying to bring them up and see each of them grow as a person.

The unforgiving passage of time has dulled this hope, though, as he can’t seem to find his elusive other half. Does he have high standards? I ask. He muses, “Not really, for me, someone with a good character is most important.” He describes his type as a girl-next-door, someone feminine and more traditional, who wouldn’t mind doing household chores and cooking “like our mum’s era”. 

Someone who has values like that in today’s modern world, he says, is hard to find. 

Finding an agency

That unsuccessful search for love led Adam to consider roping in some help. He did use online dating apps previously like Tinder or Coffee Meets Bagel, but to little success. “It’s kind of superficial, as you need good pictures. And sometimes, the girls I’ve talked to would ghost after chatting for a bit,” he says.

Finally, he ended up chancing across a newspaper article about a Singaporean who founded a Viet bride agency which emphasised proper screening and background checks on both sides of the arrangement.

Adam admitted that he had heard from friends and even briefly visited other agencies in Orchard which he felt “lacked sincerity”.

“They kept showing me photos of beautiful girls, and never asked me what kind of traits I’m looking for in a wife. No point lah – I don’t entirely go for looks,” he recalls.

The agency Adam chose in the end was B & G Vietnamese Bride Agency, where founder Eric Koh put his mind at ease by personally chatting with him, and went in-depth to get to know him as a person. Adam explained, “He asked me how much I earned, if I owned a house or car, my occupation, traits I’m looking out for and more – I felt he was sincere in trying to find me a suitable match.”

According to the agency, this background check is to weed out insincere or unsavoury clients. Once the client has passed the checks, he will be matched up with a suitable Vietnamese lady – after the boss has spoken to her to see if she was willing to be matched up with the guy in question. 

Finding a bride

As for Adam, he was introduced to Lien*, a 27-year-old graduate of Ho Chi Minh university, who was gentle and thoughtful. “The first time I saw her was through video call, and then the agency gave me her contact later, so we could converse via Zalo (a popular messaging platform in Vietnam).”

“What did you guys speak about?” I ask. “Oh, just casual things,” Adam says, like what’s her job, how’s her day going and sending each other scenery photos. For her birthday, he even got her a Xiaomi watch. 

“It feels like normal dating. The only thing is, you haven’t met this person physically, and you might be getting married in a matter of weeks or months,” he says.

Adam also explained that he was only introduced to Lien after the B & G’s character profiling. This is unlike some other agencies where a slew of girls are shown to the client to “choose from”. 

“It really differs from agency to agency,” he explains. “For mine, they stated a quota of three chosen matches for a set package. Other agencies will match you till you get married.”

The total matchmaking fee is about $6,500, which is paid in phases from introduction all the way to flying over to Vietnam for the wedding ceremony (before Covid hit). And FYI, all costs after are borne by the guy – like flight tickets – although the agency does provide top-up packages which include photography and videography, makeup for the bride and even dowry for the marriage day. 

Adam was impressed by a wedding video of a previous couple that he was shown, “Wah, not bad eh, very professional and it’s so much more affordable than Singapore’s rates.”

Challenges in the process

However, not everything was smooth sailing for Adam as he decided to take the plunge. He initially faced some resistance from his parents. “They find it a bit weird, lah, like usually the typical Singaporean style is to date a few years then get married. Now, it’s like in a few months you can get married.”

Even agency founder Eric told him that it was more of marriage first, then knowing the girl after. “It’s like the opposite. So definitely, there is a certain risk,” he says. But with persuasion, his parents accepted the fact after a while. 

Another stumbling block to the fledgling relationship was the language barrier. Of Lien, Adam said, “She only knows a bit of English. So we had to use Google Translate to talk. What I appreciated was that she tries her best to reply in English, although sometimes the nuances are lost as the translation isn’t the most accurate,” he laughs. 

To counter this, some of his friends’ wives attended English classes, to help them better assimilate into the culture here in Singapore. 

Misconceptions about marrying a Vietnamese brides

Despite more Singaporean men marrying non-resident brides, misconceptions still plague the industry, citing the brides as “scammers” or being forced into disadvantageous arrangements. However, Eric firmly believes that it’s an unfair stereotype and that his agency is determined to ensure both parties consent and respect each other on equal footing.

“Nobody wants to come here to scam people. And it’s unfair to judge these women just because they might have financial reasons – domestic helpers and workers also do likewise,” he said. 

His agency also holds rigorous checks for both men and women, like a minimum salary of $3,500 and parental approval for guys, ensuring that the marriage starts on the right foot with financial stability and the okay from future in-laws. 

According to Eric, most Vietnamese ladies feel that Singaporean men can provide their future kids with better prospects, and more often, they are better protected in Singapore than Vietnam due to the strength of the Women’s Charter. He also has a soft spot for his clients, especially 30-something-year-olds, he says, who are “good folk, but lack social skills”, and hopes his agency could get them a decent match.

“Here, we turn away guys who see their brides as a tool, not a partner. They are coming into this with the wrong mindset,” Eric says, hoping that he at least provides seeking guys a more legit option than dodgy agencies which are looks and profit-oriented. 

He shares a horror story, “Once, I heard of a bait-and-switch, they showed a beautiful girl to the guy, only for him to fly over and be told she was already married. The agency just said, nevermind, you can meet these five other girls instead!”

Taking the plunge for marriage

As for Adam, our prospective groom, he remains nervous yet hopeful about Lien and what the future holds. “People can say what they want,” he says, “but ultimately, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Success stories of loving couples like that of his friends, also keep him going. 

Turns out that even though the journey to marriage might look different from what we’re used to, love and companionship do come in all forms – and in the most unexpected ways.

Images just for illustration only, and are not representative of the interviewee.
Cover image adapted from: @truongdiepanh_ via Instagram
Last updated 17th December 2021.

The post Why I Am Marrying A Vietnamese Bride After Giving Up On Finding Love In SG appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

On the Little Red Dot, the fanfare whenever a concert rolls around never fails to hit a fever pitch.  The Taylormania was in full force earlier this year, while Olivia Rodrigo had fans screeching their hearts out to deja vu during her recent stop in Singapore. But, we needn’t necessarily contend with scalpers to snag tickets to appreciate live music from our favourite artistes.

That’s right, we’ve got buskers all around the country who’re equally as dedicated to putting on a good show too. It’s by no means a cushy hustle, but you’d be hard-pressed to find another group who’re as committed to enthralling the pacey commuters and mall-goers all around the island.

To learn more about these roving acts, we went down to catch one of AMK Hub’s resident buskers, Gerard Luke Peters, 26, in action. The singer/keyboardist, who also goes by escapeartistsg, started his busking journey back in 2020; here’s how he turned his passion for performing into a side hustle which he absolutely loves clocking in for.

1. Hone your craft until performing it live becomes second nature

Of course, you can’t expect to draw crowds in with sub-par performances that even you yourself wouldn’t give the time of day. The attention economy is fickle, so buskers have to be skilled enough in their niche to stand out. In case you didn’t know, they even have to pass an audition in order to be bestowed with a Letter of Endorsement (LOE), which allows them to conduct street performances.

“It’s not really a beginner kind of thing, I think you should practise your craft first, and if you think it’s good enough to show other people, then you can look at busking as a potential option,” said Gerard. To him, performing has already become second nature, and so he allocates more of his attention to interacting with the crowd.

If you’d like to try your hand at entertaining a live audience, there is one location in particular where you’re free to hold performances before attaining your busking credentials. BUSK STOP by *SCAPE is a space where aspiring buskers can practise pulling off actual street acts; it’s located right outside 111 Somerset.

You don’t have to pass any auditions to sign up for a busking slot at BUSK STOP by *SCAPE; you just have to fill up an online form and wait for a reply. Before beginning his busking career, Gerard had a chance to perform at *SCAPE as part of a different programme, where he got to simulate a realistic busking performance in front of a public space.

Gerard performing at *SCAPE in 2022.
Image credit: @escapeartistg via Instagram

“Busking is not only about the performance itself, but also about other stuff like setting up your equipment and interacting with the crowd,” remarked Gerard. “While I have experience performing in front of a crowd, I’ve not done those kinds of things before, so busking at *SCAPE gave me the opportunity to really figure out that side of the trade.”

2. Rent equipment if you don’t own any & register early for auditions

When it comes to busking auditions, there are 4 audition cycles each year, at which you can have your shot at obtaining your LOE. As of writing, registration for the next audition cycle begins on 25th November 2024, 12pm, but you won’t want to dally too long on signing up on the National Arts Council’s website if you’re interested.

Signing up is free, and Gerard notes that audition slots get completely filled out within 1 or 2 days once registration opens, so securing your slot ASAP is key. He also recommends renting your equipment like speakers and instruments first if you don’t own any, and then pour some money into getting some of your own after passing the auditions.

As for the audition itself, you have 5 minutes to present your act to a panel of judges, who consist of veterans from various performing industries in Singapore. You’ll be judged based on criteria such as competency and skill in performance, engagement with the audience, and expressiveness and confidence.

What an LOE looks like.

There also isn’t a quota for the amount of buskers the council awards with LOEs each cycle, so you’ll be solely judged on your skill and professionalism.

3. Equipment costs rack up, especially when you’re just starting out

If your act requires the use of electronics, Gerard recommends getting ones that are battery-operated, as most locations do not have a power outlet for you to plug into. 

Apart from ensuring that you’re skilled enough to wow a live audience, you’ve also got to have the right equipment for a proper performance. The initial cost of an entire busking set-up varies from act to act; for Gerard, he had to sink about $1,000 into his equipment.

He already had his keyboard to begin with which costs about $300, but by far his most expensive investment was the amp for his speakers, and that set him back $700. Add his $200 mic and miscellaneous wires and stands, and his total start-up cost amounts to roughly a grand.

Gerard’s nifty banner displays all his social media handles, along with a QR code for contactless PayNow tips.

“Nowadays, publicity and marketing is very important, which is why I made a banner too that cost another $50 plus,” added Gerard. “It also helps when you go for the audition, they get to see how committed you are because you have these kinds of extra publicity materials to go along with your performance.”

4. Busking as a full-time job is definitely viable

Thankfully, the weather soon cleared up and Gerard was back in business. Throughout his 2-hour long busking session, we saw quite a number of satisfied onlookers who dropped coins and notes into his tip box to show their appreciation and support.

Although Gerard no longer busks full-time, he did so from late 2022 to early 2024, and he believes that it’s a viable source of income. “I would say that it is worthwhile, it wasn’t bad or anything, definitely enough to sustain as a full-time thing,” he recalled. “If not, there was no way I could have been doing it for a whole year.”

However, he had to take a short hiatus from busking full-time, as it took a toll on his body. He was doing 4-5 hour sessions a day, for 4 or 5 days a week, and lugging his gear to and from his busking locations that frequently was getting a little too cumbersome. “I got tired and experienced a bit of a burn-out, but after that, I’m back on it again,” said Gerard.

Gerard is currently not pursuing busking as a full-time occupation, as he now gives English tuition classes instead. But, during lull periods such as the end of school examinations, he’ll make his way down to AMK Hub to serenade the people, as “these are the pockets of time that busking can help to make up for the income loss.”

By the way, you can view Gerard’s busking schedule by checking out his profile on the National Arts Council website.

5. Positive encounters outnumber the nasty ones

Having been part of the busking community in Singapore for a few years now, it’d be odd if Gerard didn’t have a brush with a couple of bad apples at least once.

@escapeartistg?refer=embed

Gerard Peters's Creator Profile

Discover More On TikTok

Gerard’s vivid re-telling of the robbery incident on his TikTok page.

Gerard recounts the time he almost got robbed while busking, on the very spot he performs at today. “It was a whole Mediacorp drama thing going on,” he chuckled. “The guy stuck his hand into my tip box, thought I wouldn’t notice, and tried to run off with my money, but a man and his wife grabbed this guy and I called the police.”

Eventually, no charges were pressed, but Gerard was pleasantly surprised that the onlooker was willing to get involved, and made sure the crook did not escape before the police arrived. “I think for every negative encounter, there’s maybe 50 positive ones,” he rebutted.

When asked what was the most uplifting encounter Gerard had experienced because of busking, he detailed an instance where he was busking at Admiralty. He was performing the song Love, Me by Collin Raye, which was about the singer’s grandfather reminiscing about the good ol’ days with his deceased grandmother.

“This guy then came up to me, and said that song I just sang gave him a lot of fond memories of his own grandma, and that made his day,” Gerard beamed.

A small crowd was clapping and singing along to Gerard’s tunes.

He also went on to tell us about the times that members of the public showed concern for him as he was performing, asking if he was okay, if he needed food and drinks, or simply asking about his day. These were not one-off moments, as we witnessed an auntie handing Gerard some bread to have for lunch. On top of that, he got a total of 3 drinks throughout his session, which he is very thankful for.

6. Do your homework when planning for busking sessions

Much like many of life’s ordeals, having a solid plan before even heading down for your busking sessions will set you up for success. “People might not know the amount of planning which goes into my sessions, like my schedule, setlist and everything,” Gerard proclaimed. “I carefully think my plan through depending on location, when’s the best time to go down, and when will people be there.”

He then gave the example of his game plan for the day we observed him at work. He decided to open with a medley of newer songs early on, as he knew school was ending around that time so a younger crowd would be passing by. Around lunchtime, he then queued up more classics – think The Beatles and Michael Learns to Rock – to resonate with the aunties and uncles having their meals at the nearby coffee shop.

You’ll also want to be wary of the elements too. Apart from monitoring weather forecasts, it helps to prepare ahead for unpredictable downpours. It was drizzling slightly when Gerard started performing that morning, but he was ready for the wet weather as he quickly protected his keyboard with plastic bags, and shielded his precious amp and speaker with an umbrella.

Get your side hustles off the ground with GXS Bank’s FlexiCard

Should you be looking to follow in Gerard’s footsteps to start a lil’ something on the side like busking to rake in extra moolah, you might run into financial woes when trying to get it off the ground. For some much-needed helping hand, look no further than GXS Bank’s GXS FlexiCard.

You’ll also enjoy a waiver on your first year’s annual fee when you sign up for a GXS FlexiCard.
Image credit: GXS Bank

The GXS FlexiCard is a great entry-level credit card for folks like gig economy workers and students who may not have a fixed stream of income, to help them get used to managing a credit card and building their credit scores.

With the GXS FlexiCard, you get access to $500 credit monthly, and get to use the card with no interest charges. You get to enjoy unlimited, instant cashback of up to $3 when you spend a minimum of $10 in a single eligible transaction. For even more savings, you’ll receive a $20 cashback when you apply for a GXS FlexiCard and spend $200 within your first month.

The card also facilitates flexible repayments, which is especially handy for when you run into an unforeseen rough patch. When you are not able to make repayments in full, you can opt to make a minimum payment which starts from $15, by paying a $5 fee per month to bring over your outstanding balance to the next month. Plus, there’ll be no interest charged.

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Photography by Jaslyn Tan.
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The post Things I Learnt From Busking In SG, Like Auditioning Tips & Sustaining A Side Hustle appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

The average male height in Singapore is apparently 173cm tall. I’m around 182cm tall, which is taller than ~85% of Singaporeans. Plus, I’m only 19, so there’s a possibility that I have a couple of years left to grow even taller when I become a full-fledged adult. The problem is, I don’t really want to get taller, as I’m already facing these everyday struggles of being a tall guy in Singapore with my current height, though it does come with some perks too.

*Disclaimer: This is for comedic purposes only and not to shame anyone, tall or short. 

My journey from being vertically challenged to shooting up

Ironically, back in secondary school, I was one of the shortest guys in my class and only slightly taller than the girls, which made me feel inferior. Hence, I decided to undertake a mini training routine. This included jumping 30 times every day before my meals, and a lot of stretching on pull-up bars, as I heard that could elongate your spine and “lengthen your frame.”

In just 2 months, to my delight, I grew by more than 15cm. But, as I soon found out, maybe that wasn’t such a good decision after all. Being a tall guy in Singapore comes with its own set of struggles.

– Struggles of being a tall guy –

1. Constantly bumping your head into bus & MRT roofs

I was spreading my legs out wide too, but still bumped my head.
Image adapted from: Khoo Yong Hao

Most people are familiar with walking with their heads on a swivel to be aware of their surroundings. For me, I have to do that plus always crane or jut out my neck down to avoid hitting things like the roof of buses and MRTs, which has happened several times. I also get hit by the swinging MRT or bus handlebars in the eyes when walking, making me look like an idiot.

Solution: Wear a cap so that you have a layer of protection when hitting your head.

2. No leg room when commuting on public transport & flights

I will usually get cramps from sitting in this position after 5 minutes.
Image adapted from: Syahiran Sean

Another problem while being on the move is the lack of legroom in any sort of transportation. Usually, my knees will be stabbing at the back of the seats even when I lean as far back as I can to create “more room”. I also can’t cross my legs or move them around much in general, so more often than not, I end up staying rigid.

Solution: Sit at the back of the bus or at the elderly-friendly seats during off-peak hours, as those have more legroom. Or, you can also just stand during the commute, which will force you to improve your posture by standing upright. You can also opt for the emergency row seats instead of paying for business class when booking flights.

3. Taller height means less meat distributed across my body

Confession time: I was actually flexing super hard here trying to press my body onto the machine in hopes of stat padding my weight.

What I didn’t realise before I underwent my training arc was that every body is different and in my case, it will only elongate my already thin body. Even when I was short, I was quite a skinny guy, so forcing myself to be taller just exacerbated my thin frame further. I do get teased quite a lot, even in poly, with names like “slenderman” or “stickman” being common calls.

In the end, the results were as expected, as I’m almost 20kg off the ideal weight for my height, although I can “flex” and say that I have less body fat than most athletes.
Image adapted from: Brad Lee, Syahiran Sean

During NDP in primary 5 my English teacher even said I looked like a coolie, but looking at it now, I have built up quite an immunity to being the butt of jokes. I realised that if you let their words affect you, people will just taunt you further, so the solution is to just ignore or go along with it.

Solution: It takes two to tango, and you can’t expect to fill out your shirt without working out. If you’re a broke student like me, hit up any ActiveSG gyms for free or sign up for cheap gym packages. You can also build your own home gym if you can afford it. Read our article on how this writer used weightlifting to beat anorexia for some inspo.

4. Always being told or expected to eat more

An average lunch or dinner for me when eating out, where second servings are a must.
Image adapted from: Syahiran Sean

As a result of my tall and slender frame, most people will assume that I have a big appetite, which I do. I love to eat, and will literally stuff myself with anything if it means putting on some weight, even edible insects. The slightly annoying thing with that is that I’m always being told and almost expected to eat more, whether it’s at Hari Raya gatherings or meetups with friends.

If I don’t eat, it will lead to them making remarks that a thin guy must eat more, and if I’m already full, I must continue to take more servings to get bigger.

Solution: Eating non-stop isn’t fun, but there are better ways to get your calories in. Take protein powders to “drink the calories” and make gains without feeling like you’re going to vomit every time.

5. Dealing with irritating stereotypical questions

Image credit: @singaporeslingers via Instagram 

Every time I meet someone for the first time, they tend to ask me irritating stereotypical questions like if I spent my free time at basketball courts. I actually spend my weekends playing in futsal courts, but even then, I’m pressured to play as a goalie or defender just because of my long arms or legs, although I really hate those field positions.

Another fan favourite question: “Is the air different any up there?” Usually, these questions are harmless, but I do get tired of them, as it will usually lead to people making remarks about how for a “sporty person”, I don’t look very fit since I’m quite skinny. Ouch.

Solution: If someone asks you if you play basketball, try asking them if they play miniature golf; that will usually get them to stop talking about your height.

6. Constantly having to make myself look “shorter” when interacting with others

Here, my legs were spread out super wide and I was slouching, yet there was still a noticeable height difference.

While I don’t absolutely tower over people, the difference is still clear to see. I like to make eye contact when talking to someone, but if I talk over them, it may seem like I’m “looking down” on them. I am quite an introverted person too, and the feeling that I’m imposing myself over others with my so-called “vertical superiority” makes me want to avoid talking to the person.

What I usually do is spread my legs out wide to appear shorter. If there is something to lean on, I will just lean on the MRT or bus stop poles so my friend and I can be on an even level while talking. My desk is beside my supervisor’s, so I set my chair to the lowest setting, so it doesn’t make it look like I’m too dominant when beside her.

Solution: Just accept that you are taller than most, and instead use that to boost your confidence when conversing with others, instead of overplaying these situations in your head. Read our article on conversation tips so you can be confident whenever, wherever, and with whoever.

7. Performing certain exercises are more difficult

Taller peeps have longer limbs, which means our bodies must put in more effort to perform any movement, as they “travel” a longer distance. This makes exercises like push-ups or sit-ups harder for me to do, as I take a longer time to do them. So, I don’t do as well in my IPPT test for those stations as compared to my shorter peers, who can pump out endless reps while I’m there struggling for dear life.

Solution: Tweak your mindset from “it’s too hard for someone like me” to “if it’s harder, then it will only make me stronger and strengthen my fortitude”. Furthermore, think of how attractive a tall guy will look if he is also muscular and use that as motivation to jumpstart your fitness transformation.

8. Tendency to slouch & have poor posture

Right before this picture was taken, my photographer told me to sit up straight, although I’m still slouching a bit here. Old habits die hard I guess.

As my spine is longer than most, I often fall into the mistake of slouching, which over time leads to poor posture. In my defence, I think it’s because standing up straight requires a lot of effort for the back muscles to work together, so people like me just take the easy way out and slouch, not knowing of the consequences.

Why isn’t this machine any taller sia? Oh right, it’s for kids.

It doesn’t help that I’m always hunched over typing away at my phone too, which exacerbates the issue and gives me a protruding neck. I also tend to accommodate and bend down slightly to reach for things like a control panel in arcade games. I actually had scoliosis for a while because of this, although fortunately, that issue is now gone.

Solution: There are many back pain remedies out there, as well as common back pain causes to take note of. Plus, there are many easy exercise stretches you can start doing from the comfort of your own home to avoid back pain from constantly slouching.

9. People around me walk very slowly so I have to walk slowly too

Due to our longer strides, we tall folks cover a longer distance than shorter peeps in just a single step. Now, this may seem like a perk, and it is when you’re trying to rush somewhere. But when casually walking with friends, I often have to walk super slowly so that I don’t have a sudden 50m lead and they say, “Why you always walk so fast one ah, relax man.”

Solution: Use the slow walking pace to instead focus on standing up straight and maintaining a good posture while you walk, taking your attention away from the walking pace.

– Perks of being a tall guy –

10. Being able to see past the crowd 9 times out of 10

Image credit: TheRufmeisterGeneral via Reddit

When I’m in crowded areas like Orchard Road or even on the MRT, I have no problems looking at the signs. When watching the latest flick at movie theatres or attending concerts in Singapore, I don’t have to deal with people’s silhouettes blocking my view, although people behind me may have to deal with that. Too bad, so sad.

11. Being able to reach for high objects

Another useful trait is that I’m able to help others reach for things in high places. Whether it’s books on library bookshelves or groceries at supermarkets, I am able to lend a helping hand to any auntie or uncle out there. I also know when the top of the fridge needs some dusting, which leads to less nagging from my mom.

12. I feel special & more confident sometimes

So close to 6 feet, yet so far.

Although being tall makes me feel slightly awkward around shorter strangers, it makes me feel more confident around people I know. Back in secondary school, where there was the annual height-taking test, the boys would compare their heights, and in sec 3 I was one of the tallest – another boost of confidence.

My confidence was also boosted when I found out that I was taller than Shaun Wright Phillips and Luis Garcia.
Image credit: Syahiran Sean

Likewise, when talking to other tall people, I’m confident as I can see eye to eye with them, or don’t have to crane my neck just to get in their frame. I had the chance to meet some football legends a while back, and I did not feel nervous despite their status. If anything, I felt quite empowered and was able to shake their hand with a firm grip and engage in some small talk.

13. I can eat whatever I want & not worry about getting fat

When you eat enough food to feed a whole village but your body just
burns it all off anyway.
Image credit: Raewyn Koh

My fast metabolism and frame make it almost impossible for me to gain a lot of weight at once, let alone get fat. A doctor even once told me it’s medically impossible for me to be overweight. So, in social situations with friends, I will order around 3 meals for myself, and they will remark “I wish I could eat this much but I’ll get fat.”

So, I do feel somewhat grateful that I can fulfil my hedonistic eating desires with no consequence, while others have to embark on bland diets.

14. I don’t get called a short king

When girls are short, there are elegant terms like petite to describe them. But when guys are short, their confidence and aura immediately drop. I have had short friends look at me and wish they were my height, because apparently just being 6 foot tall is the key to finding love on dating apps.

The stigma is so widespread that the term “short king” was coined by the internet, a backhanded compliment. If you ask me, I’d rather be tall than short, although, upon further reflection, beyond height, it’s really the personality of the person people seek; height is just the first impression. And if someone doesn’t like you just because you are short, then it shows you how superficial they are.

Learning to accept my body for who I am

While there may be fewer pros than cons, I realised that there are many ways to overcome these struggles, especially relating to my weight. The fact that I felt inferior and insecure when I was short and tall shows that it’s more in my head.

Image credit: Campaign to Stop Tom Cruise from playing Jack Reacher via Facebook

After all, Tom Cruise is only 172cm tall, yet portrayed Jack Reacher, who is 196cm tall in the source material, showing how height isn’t the be-all and end-all.

Image credit: The Singapore Army via Facebook

Even in Singapore, you’ll find cases where a 1.46m-tall army officer gets awarded the sword of honour – another testament that height isn’t allat.

These kinds of surgeries usually cost as much as $70,000.
Image credit: r/tall via Reddit

I’ve tweaked my mindset to be more grateful, seeing that some men will go so far as to splurge money to forcefully break apart and lengthen their limbs to grow taller. They then take months to recover to even walk again- all just to be taller. That seems quite ridiculous to me, and if anything, just magnifies your own insecurities.

After all, it’s only in your head and most people are too busy caring about themselves to pay attention to your “flaws” anyway.

Pros & cons of being a tall guy in Singapore

There is good and bad for everything, whether you’re tall or short, but what matters most is how you respond to it, which is why for the most part, we have provided solutions to these so-called “problems”. Would you rather be tall or short?

For other perspectives, check out:

• Short girl problems and perks
• Making friends as an adult
• How I became a missing person in Singapore
• Why I chose to pursue a career in TCM

Cover Image adapted from: Khoo Yong Hao, Em Loza, Brad Lee

The post 14 Struggles & Perks Of Being A Tall Guy in Singapore, Where The Average Height Of Men Is 170cm appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

There’s no easy way to put it – the economy isn’t doing very well. Sure, Mother Taylor and her 6 nights of The Eras Tour may have boosted it by $500 million, but there’s still news of retrenchments daily.

As someone who’s gone through it twice – retrenchments, not The Eras Tour – I only know the pain of being let go all too well. That doesn’t mean I think I’m done for, for the rest of my career. Retrenchments are still a very likely possibility. Here’s why I won’t be surprised I’ll go through another in the future:

Baby’s first retrenchment at 25

I’d been with a multinational company (MNC) for a little more than 2 years when the Singapore branch received an email calling for an emergency town hall. The company had been aggressively expanding into other markets in Asia, and monthly town halls had become the norm. Emergency or not, this town hall didn’t seem out of the ordinary.

Image credit: Dall-E

That is, until head honchos addressed the 200-strong crowd about “organisational restructuring”. It’s the first time I’d heard the term, and I naively thought it was just about a change in titles and who we’d be reporting to in the future. Needless to say, it came as a shock when HR summoned my team into the conference room to tell us that we’d been cut from the company altogether.

I mean, this was my first job out of university and I’d just turned 25. I’d heard about retrenchments but I thought that only happened to workers in their 40s or 50s, not fresh grads at the bottom of the food chain.

The retrenchment came with a moderate severance package but that didn’t stop me from going through all 5 stages of grief. Cue the tears, anger, confusion, and denial. I was sad I wasn’t working in the company I’d grown to love any longer, mad at higher ups that didn’t know how to strategise their expansions, and overall just bummed that I had to experience something as traumatic as this.

My second retrenchment at 30

Thankfully, I managed to bounce back relatively fast after being retrenched. 3 months after I was made redundant, I moved on to a second company where I could resume climbing the corporate ladder. It was a supportive place that even allowed me to take a year off to do a master’s degree programme.

But then Covid-19 hit. My work dealt primarily with travel and private aviation – 2 industries severely affected by a pandemic that was forcing people indoors. So when the whole country went into lockdown, I knew I had mere days before my time was up.

Sure enough, the week after circuit breaker ended, I was summoned yet again into a conference room with HR and my reporting manager. “I think you know what’s coming,” was all my manager could say to me.

“Yeah, I know.”

Image credit: Dall-E

30 minutes later, I had my table packed up in a box and yet another severance cheque in my hands. For the second time, and at the age of 30, I had been made redundant.

The experience was less dramatic than the first. There were still tears, anger, confusion, and denial. But I reached the last stage of grief – acceptance – a lot quicker than I did the first time round. Having been through redundancy once, I knew I could go through the process again.

Lessons I learnt from being retrenched

You don’t get retrenched twice in 5 years without learning a few lessons.

1. No job is ever safe

It’s ironic that in every town hall I’ve attended in every company that I’ve worked for, I would always hear how each employee is integral to the success of the company. Technically, we are, until the highest in power decides it’s better to cut their losses – i.e., you – to save the company.

In my first retrenchment, I was only a junior executive. I’d been promoted once but still very much on the bottom rung of the corporate ladder. The work I did was considered menial since I wasn’t involved in any decision-making processes or even leading a team. It made sense why an MNC would want to get rid of me and keep key players for business development.

But in my second retrenchment, I was now positioned much higher on the corporate ladder. I was Deputy Editor, only second in line to the Editor-in-Chief (EIC), and third overall to the Publisher. I sat at the round table with fellow heads of departments and was heavily involved in strategic planning. Surely, I would mean enough to the team that they could keep me somewhere? But you already know how that played out.

So, no, it didn’t matter how essential I’d been made to believe. When push comes to shove, your ass will be out the door.

2. Don’t burn bridges with the ones who did this to you

It’s natural to feel anger – rage, even – after being laid off. That’s what I mostly felt the first time it happened. I said every curse word I could at the people tasked with breaking this news to me. Then I went back home and continued lashing out at them in my Glassdoor review. My mentality was that if they didn’t want me, then I didn’t want anything to do with them.

Image credit: Dall-E

Big mistake. Many places I applied to after that asked for references. The only people I could tap into were those who’d been retrenched together with me. And even then, not many held high enough positions to be listed as a compelling testament of my work. I learnt my lesson the second time round and held my tongue instead, then bagged myself character references from a handful of higher ups.

3. Get in touch with external stakeholders you worked with

Chances are, you worked with people outside of your team, like clients and vendors. If you had a good working relationship with them, now’s the time to contact them and explain what’s happened to you.

First off, they’re already likely to be working in a similar industry as you, so they might know of job opportunities on their end. And even if they don’t, you can use them as referrals too. That’s what happened when I sent out emails of my departure to the team of freelancers I worked with before my second retrenchment. Many reached out to offer advice and even wrote recommendation letters for me.

4. Multiple retrenchments isn’t going to look bad on your resume

After being retrenched a second time, I thought maybe I was a jinx. It was a legit anxiety of mine that potential recruiters would think the same and therefore not hire me – just in case it actually turned out to be true.

But in all honesty, no recruiter I’d spoken to during interviews was fazed by my multiple retrenchments. With unexpected economic downturns and global pandemics, retrenchments are almost expected now. Having 1 or even 2 listed in your resume is fine.

I found that being upfront and open about it helped. It explained gaps in my resume and overall helped to gain sympathy from the recruiter.

Why I think I’ll be retrenched again

Even with 2 retrenchments under my belt, I don’t think those will be my last. I’m only 34 going on 35. With the age of retirement now at 63, I’ve still got a good 30 more years of my career to go through. That’s plenty of time for retrenchment to happen yet again.

After all, my industry isn’t one that demands much expertise or specialisation. You don’t even really need a relevant degree, just a good command of English. Many of my colleagues – past and present – have studied everything from literature to sociology and even finance. My communications degree may have been useful to get my foot in the door, but that’s about it.

Image credit: Dall-E

Then there are the advancements in AI that I have to be concerned with. I wouldn’t be surprised if my job is one day completely taken over by robots. I mean, we got ChatGPT and Rytr to write a Best Things To Do In Singapore article and they did decently well. Sure, the write-ups would require human intervention for now. But who’s to say they can’t learn enough to not need any editing in the future?

It also doesn’t help that the future of media is going to be image and video heavy. Shorter attention spans mean people aren’t reading as much, and are instead turning to TikTok and Instagram Reels to get their information instead. Heck, the only person I can truly count on reading this article in its entirety is my Editor who’ll be doing final QCs on this.

I don’t doubt that writing would ever become obsolete. But it’s a competitive, and unfortunately, saturated space – there’s no guarantee that I’m the one that gets picked out of thousands. Ultimately, it all boils down to what’s most profitable for businesses. And with remote work now a thing, it just means there will always be a cheaper alternative in some other country willing to do the work for a fraction of the price.

Simply put, the future of writers is bleak.

Bracing myself for my next retrenchment

So in the meantime, I’m preparing myself for the next retrenchment exercise that will indubitably arrive.

Many ask if there are signs to look out for that point towards retrenchment, but there are plenty of factors to consider. Things like a significant drop in work or special projects being halted are early indicators that a lay-off is imminent. Next comes hiring freezes, but your HR and finance teams are working overtime – possibly to figure out where they can “trim the fat” to save the company a couple of bucks.

Apart from looking out for signs, there are other ways to stay prepared. The textbook response would be to do your due diligence in upskilling yourself. But we all know that’s way easier said than done.

Image credit: Dall-E

You can, however, make use of the time you still have, to learn as much as you can from your current job. Seek out opportunities for growth by asking to be transferred to another team or volunteering to work on projects that’ll get you exposure to other functions of the company.

If you’ve exhausted those options, then instead of waiting around for a retrenchment, it might do you better to leave instead. Before getting retrenched, I thought it was the norm to stay in a company until I retire, and that I would be rewarded for my loyalty.

Job-hopping, on the other hand, was for fickle-minded people who didn’t know what they wanted. And their trail of months-long stints would not make a good impression on recruiters.

Alas, I’ve since learnt that loyalty can sometimes backfire. Staying in a company for a long time could be hurting your chances of exploring other options out there. That’s where the job-hoppers swoop in to acquire a wider breadth of skills in a shorter period of time, making them more desirable to employers down the road.

Image credit: Faith Leong

If moving on is out of the question, then keep yourself updated with what’s going on around the world. These days, there’s news of lay-offs almost daily, thanks to the economy. I hate being the bearer of bad news, but anybody could be next.

It’s not enough to stay abreast about global affairs, though. You should also know what’s happening within your own company. Most established companies have quarterly town halls as a way to stay transparent with employees. Pay attention to news of possible mergers and acquisitions, and changes in business direction that could potentially make your role redundant.

Not all news is bad news of course, but knowing what’s going can still prepare you for what might take place. For example, HR taking their time to replace colleagues that have quit can be taken as a warning sign that there aren’t enough financial resources to operate like the company once did.

Getting retrenched multiple times in Singapore

It’s not the most pleasant thought to think that surviving 2 retrenchments early on in my career has made me a veteran in the matter. But I like to think that I’ve gained a mature understanding in all this.

Looking back, I’m sure both companies weren’t actively looking for ways to cut people whenever they could. Going through a retrenchment exercise is tough on both sides of the coin. They had to do what they could to keep the company afloat. If I had to be part of that collateral damage then so be it; there are no hard feelings.

That’s the perspective I’m taking at least, should another retrenchment come my way. I’ll just stay prepared than try and fight something that’s inevitable.

That said, if my boss is reading this, please consider other people first before me lah. If a retrenchment does happen.

More retrenchment stories:

• Watching my team get fired in a day
• What to do after getting retrenched
• Life lessons from being retrenched

Cover image adapted from: Dall-E
Last updated 18th March 2024.

The post I’ve Been Laid Off Twice In 5 Years, Here’s Why Retrenchments Should Be Normalised On Your CV appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

Singapore is a food haven, no doubt, with endless new cafes and restaurants popping on the grid every month. Of course, we’ve all heard the spiel about meatless ‘meat’ and how being vegan stops climate change, but the latest shocker was Singapore approving 16 varieties of insects as food. How will it be like to have creepy crawlies as part of our daily meals in the near future? I tried eating edible insects to find out.

What are some benefits of eating edible insects?

The thought may disgust you at first, but there are actually many benefits to eating these creepy crawlies. According to the United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organisation, insects emit 5 times less greenhouse gases than chicken or beef. Insects like crickets are rich in vitamins, minerals, and also high in protein.

The word protein struck me like a lightning bolt. As a skinny guy in Singapore, I’ve always shoved protein-rich foods like chicken or beef down my throat in an attempt to gain weight. With my new revelation in mind, I decided to try eating insects over 6 sittings to see if I found it to be something I could do for the long term. I will be eating the insects purely on their own at first to see what they taste like before sprinkling them on my meals to see how it can be incorporated into our favourite foods.

Is it halal to eat edible insects in Singapore?

Now, before some of y’all raise your pitchforks, MUIS, the religious organisation in Singapore, has ruled that edible insects are halal.

Image credit: Syahiran Sean

With that, I started my journey of eating edible insects, particularly crickets, mealworms and white grubs, which I got from Insectyumz, one of only a few retailers in Singapore that have already started selling them.

Day 1: Regretting my life decisions

The 4 kinds of creepy crawlies I ate throughout the week.|
Image credit: Syahiran Sean

As someone who squirms at the sight of even a tiny beetle, you can imagine what I felt when I saw what I was about to eat. I wasn’t thinking about the benefits of eating insects, how sustainable they were, or the amount of protein in the bugs. Rather, I was cursing myself for even pitching this idea to my editor.

Image adapted from: @big.rooster via Instagram, Syahiran Sean

Before I took a bite of my first mealworm, I recalled watching farmers scoop up bunches of wriggly mealworms on Nat Geo. Well, now I found myself kind of in the shoes of that farmer, although my mealworm was dead and dry. It also didn’t look as off-putting as I first thought it would.

I took a bite, half expecting it to suddenly come back to life and squirm in my throat, only to be greeted with a nice crunch. It tasted somewhat like ikan bilis, only much milder in flavour.

Image adapted from: Wikimedia Commons, Syahiran Sean

I’m sure some, if not all of us, are familiar with crickets. As with the mealworm, the cricket had significantly shrunk, and had shrivelled after being cooked, which made it look less intimidating to bite into.

I went in for a bite, and shuddered as I made eye contact with the cricket’s black eyes. It had a nutty bitter taste, but was, again, quite mild.

Day 2: Hey, it’s actually not so bad

Image adapted from: Flickr, Syahiran Sean

Spirits buoyed by the first day, I found myself looking forward to Day 2. This time, I tried the other 2 kinds of insects in my possession –  the white grub and tom yum-flavoured crickets. The white grub looked like a deformed cashew nut to me, though it actually tasted more like an almond, albeit more bitter. Of the few choices I had, it was definitely the most flavourful bug thus far.

Image credit: Syahiran Sean

The white grub did not stay my favourite for long, unsurprisingly, since I finished with the tom yum-flavoured cricket. I found myself wanting to reach for more of this flavourful, crisp treat, before realising I still have 3 days left in the week.

Day 3: Trying out insect-based dishes at House of Seafood

Image credit: Syahiran Sean

So far, the insects were okay on their own but I wanted to find out how they could be incorporated into dishes fit for a proper meal. So on Day 3, I visited House of Seafood, the only restaurant in Singapore selling insect-based dishes at the time of writing. Do note that the restaurant is not halal, so I asked my colleague to tag along and try their food.

Image adapted from: Syahiran Sean

There was chilli crab fried with black field crickets (from $85), and egg fried rice topped with regular house crickets (from $14), rather than chicken – both dishes smelled tempting, in spite of the creepy crawly additions.

Image credit: Syahiran Sean

My colleague, who had the fried rice on my behalf, found the house crickets to not taste like much on their own. However, they did add a welcome crunch and unique texture to the dish.

Image credit: Syahiran Sean

But the crickets, very surprisingly, added to the flavour of chilli crab. Most of us might think that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, but my colleague felt that the dish was elevated with the addition of the black field crickets giving a taste uncannily similar to Ritz crackers.

The cricket curry puff looks just like a regular curry puff.
Image credit: Syahiran Sean

To end it off, we got some curry puffs, but here’s the catch: the filling wasn’t curried potato, but seasoned cricket powder instead. It tasted more like an otah puff, and she couldn’t even detect a hint of cricket powder at all.

Seeing my colleague enjoy the dishes made me wonder if they have plans to offer these dishes  at their halal outlet in Joo Chiat. We did ask, and heard that they do want to cater to Muslim customers too, but that it will take time.

Day 4: Having edible insects with my favourite food

Image credit: Raewyn Koh

After seeing my colleague try the insect dishes at House of Seafood, it got me thinking that I should try them with my favourite food too. The next day saw me getting my go-to lunch order, ayam penyet, and sprinkling all 4 insects on it. A part of me wondered if this was sacrilegious, but I decided to try it anyhow.

My honest reaction.
Image credit: Raewyn Koh

The combo was bussin’. I found that the tinge of spice from the tom yum crickets complemented the sambal from the ayam penyet, while the crunch added a delightful texture. I did try my food with the other insects too, but with their mild flavour, they were more textural additions than anything.

That’s not a bad thing, though; since the taste is so mild, even picky eaters may find eating them easier than veggies.

When I ate just the crickets with rice, it did not taste as bad as I thought, but I did miss the chewy texture of the steamed chicken.
Image adapted from: Syahiran Sean

After clocking off work, I went to get some chicken rice for dinner, and topped it with more unflavoured crickets. As I was going to play football later that evening, I wanted to see if the extra protein would affect my energy levels. I did not really feel much of a difference, although that’s to be expected, since studies from Healthline show that one needs to consume at least a 100g of crickets if that’s their main source of protein, not a handful like I did.

Day 5: Final meal & reflections

Image credit: Syahiran Sean

To end off the challenge, I visited my favourite stall again for nasi ayam goreng. I wanted to see if the tangy sauce in my nasi ayam goreng would pair well with the tom yum crickets. They did go well together, but it got jelak after a while.

I noticed that to the horror of horrors, I was freely dumping dried crickets on my dish as if it were routine. No longer was I scrutinising the bugs and having second thoughts before popping them in my mouth, nor shuddering before biting into them. Instead, I low-key looked forward to the crispy texture that came with each bite.

In terms of how it affected my body, it didn’t really affect me that much. That’s not surprising seeing how I only ate them for a few days, and people would need to consume them more regularly to see the effects.

Other than a slightly easier time passing motion, and feeling a bit more energetic during the day, the changes were quite slight. Then again, it could have been just a placebo effect on my end.

Eating edible insects in Singapore

While I can’t say for certain that I’ll do it all over again, eating insects was nowhere nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It made me feel like I’m doing my part in promoting sustainable sources of protein, but did I really enjoy myself? I think it is far too early to say, but I don’t think it’s that weird, considering there’s other weirder foods out there.

For other cool perspectives, check out:

• How I became a missing person in Singapore
• Open letter to EZ-link card
• Accidentally becoming a sugar baby

Cover image adapted from: Syahiran Sean, Raewyn Koh

The post I Tried Eating Edible Insects Now That They Are Available In Singapore & Here’s How I Feel About It appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

In school, we had camps and CCAs to “force” new friendships. We saw each other almost every day, so it’s natural for bonds to form. But here’s the harsh reality of growing up: making friends as adults gets tougher, simply because we have fewer opportunities to do so. Or perhaps, it’s because we have become jaded from life. Cue sad music.

We’ve compiled horror stories about forming friendships as adults, as a way to rant and find relief in letting these bad vibes out on the Internet. If you have experienced a similar situation, know that I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.

*Names have been changed to protect their anonymity.

1. Used Bumble BFF but got viewed as a one-night stand

If you didn’t already know, Bumble isn’t just a dating app to meet the Mr. or Mrs. Right. The platform launched Bumble BFF, where users can make platonic relationships. Cue lonely ol’ me, signing up for this in hopes of making a new friend or two.

I matched with a 27-year-old guy working in the healthcare industry, and things started off pretty polite and friendly. We kept the chat PG13, and no personal boundaries were crossed. We chatted for a couple of days before scheduling to meet for dinner on Friday.

We commenced dinner with a hug – and that was when I felt his hand linger on my lower back. I brushed it off initially, gaslighting myself into thinking that the guy was just touchy. But throughout the meal, I noticed that he would drop light touches on my hand, shoulder, and even my thigh. I slowly inched myself further but he kept scooting over to close the gap.

Dinner ended and we split the bill. I thought we were going to part ways, but he kept insisting to continue the night at his house. After several demands, I asked him, “Seriously, go your house for what?”. To which he replied, “To seal the deal lor,” and winked. You best believe I booked a cab immediately and unmatched him on the way back to MY home.

– Charmaine, 25

2. Accused of being a “paedophile” for befriending interns at work

I’d do my best to share my industry knowledge with the interns too.
Image for illustrative purposes only. 

I’m a 28-year-old guy working in an advertising company where most of the interns are around the age of 19 to 22. I’d say I have a friendly and extroverted personality, and I enjoy chatting with people. And here’s a disclaimer before I begin my story: I am not in the market for a girlfriend.

So, once every few months, we’d get a new batch of interns in the company. The other full-timers are pretty clique-ish and they tend to go out for lunch on their own, leaving the interns to fend for themselves. I felt bad for the newbies, so I took it upon myself to “adopt” these new interns and show them the food haunts near our office.

Alas, my act of goodwill bit me in the ass. Some people started to view me as a “paedophile”, calling me a tikopeh because most of the interns were usually girls. Not to mention that they were a couple of years my junior. It’s sad to say, but I’ve since kept to myself whenever there are new female interns. Is this a sign that I’m working in a toxic workplace? Maybe.

– Jing Xiong, 28

3. Got called out on Instagram for buying the same watch

You would think that with age comes maturity, but that’s not always the case. I was introduced to a fellow watch enthusiast by a friend, and we started casually chatting on Instagram. You know, just two 30-something-year-olds geeking out about watches.

We had our first meeting IRL over dinner with our mutual friend, and I mentioned that I was interested in getting a particular luxury watch. My new watch buddy exclaimed excitedly that he owned the same watch, and expressed his excitement for me to get the same one. “Matchy matchy, bro!” he exclaimed.

How I felt when I saw the Instagram story.

I got the watch a week later, and posted a picture of it on Instagram to celebrate this milestone. A couple of minutes after, I opened his Instagram story and realised that he had reposted my Instagram story, with the caption “lol copycat”. WHAT? I responded to this with a “???” message, but he promptly blocked me on Instagram. Talk about childish.

– Andrew, 34

4. Getting the “I’m attached” immediate response

Going to the gym can be scary, especially when gym users are unfriendly. I had just embarked on my gym journey 4 months ago and was still learning how to properly use the equipment. I usually work out at my local ActiveSG gym, but decided to try a new outlet nearer to my workplace.

So here I was, nerves and all, at the new and bigger gym. I saw a new equipment I wanted to try, and decided to work up some courage and approached on of the “gym bros” for help. Thankfully, he was pretty friendly and showed me how to work the equipment. I thanked him, and we continued with our separate workouts after.

After my sweat sesh, I bumped into him again at the gym entrance. As we were both packing up our stuff, I tried to make small talk by asking if he usually exercises here. Mind you, I’m an engaged lady who’s been with my mans for 8 years. So no, I wasn’t trying to hit him up. I just wanted to make a new friend, since I might return to this gym.

Right after the last word left my lips, he gave a very stoic response. “I have a girlfriend,” he muttered, and stomped away. Was I tempted to shout “You’re not even my type!” after him? Yes. But I chose to be the bigger person, swallowed my pride, and left the gym quietly.

– Sherrie, 24

5. Hit-and-run incident at the grocery shop

Most people get hit on, but I literally got hit while trying to make friends. This happened 2 years ago when I had a short stint working abroad from Australia. I was out grocery shopping at Coles, and made small talk with another lady in the fruit aisle.

She seemed nice, and I learned that she was a Malaysian who moved to Melbourne to be with her husband. We both stayed around the neighbourhood, so it was a given that we would bump into each other again. We ended up exchanging Instagrams.

After paying for our items, we walked to the parking lot together. She was parked a few rows behind me, so we said our goodbyes. Just as I was slowly exiting the carpark lot, I abruptly felt my car shake. Someone had driven into the side of my car. Granted, it was not a hard hit, but enough for me to feel the physical impact.

Image credit: Izie

I looked up in horror and realised the driver was the same lady from the store. Before I could react, she gave a panicked wave, reversed her car, and sped off. I tried to message her on Instagram but received no response. I didn’t bother making a police report as the damages were minor and I was getting rid of the car soon.

– Izie, 37

6. Made a “friend” on holiday, ghosted when back in SG

Helping each other take OOTD pictures.
Image credit: Marabelle

It was December 2017, and I was in Seoul with my parents for our Christmas holiday. My parents insisted on joining a tour group and I relented, in the name of being filial. The tour group consisted of mostly older folks, and it was just me and another Singaporean girl who were in our 20s.

Naturally, we stuck together most of the time, as we couldn’t relate to the adults’ conversations. It was a 6-day trip, so we grew close as time passed. It was somehow easier to open up to a stranger.

We swapped Instagrams, with the promise to reconnect in Singapore. After we flew back, I messaged her on Instagram asking for a meet-up. I remembered she was waiting to hear back from a job interview, and wanted to check in on how that went. I received no response, just a “Seen yesterday.” message stamp on Instagram. Seoul sad.

– Marabelle, 29

7. Got used as an ATM instead

Image for illustrative purposes only.

We’ve got dating-app-match-turned-crypto scams, travel scams, and now, friendship scams. I had just started a part-time job working at a cafe while waiting for my new job to start. I quickly formed a friendship with another part-timer; she was studying for her Masters while working at the cafe.

We would go on lunch breaks together and intentionally arrange for our shifts to coincide. It was after our 4th lunch when she started asking if I could pay for her share first as she didn’t have cash on hand. She’d then transfer the money after. I should’ve recognised this red flag, but silly ol’ me trusted her. After all, she did pay me back for those first few lunches.

You know where this is headed. She slowly started to “forget” to transfer me, and would take days to pay her debts. I would have to remind her multiple times, and I hated doing so because I felt like a loan shark. I didn’t keep track of the exact money she owed me too – and that’s on me for forgetting.

Without warning, she suddenly disappeared and stopped showing up at the cafe. I texted her numerous “Where are you???” messages, but only got dead silence. It was only after I asked my manager, that I learned my “friend” had quit her job. So for the past 2 months, I had unknowingly become her ATM. She owes me around $100, which I will probably never get back.

– Debbie, 30

Why making friends as adults is tougher than getting a promotion

Sadly, life isn’t a sitcom where everything is fine and dandy. Making friends as adults can be tuff stuff. Some friendships fade off, some scam you hundreds of dollars, and some want to get in your pants.

But that’s not to say that every new person you meet is evil. It’s possible to meet your life bestie in your 20s, 30s, or even 40s. Heck, I’ve made wonderful friends during my time here in TheSmartLocal. So, you can too.

More adulting perspectives:

• Life as a full-time artist in Singapore
• Moving to Japan for work
• Financial lessons learnt from my single mother
• Layoff survivor guilt 

The post 7 Horror Stories About Making Friends As An Adult, From Getting Ghosted To Being Used As An ATM appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

Let’s admit it; most of us can’t live without our smartphones but sometimes technology can feel like it’s this parasite that feeds off of every part of our lives. It makes it nearly impossible to maintain a work-life balance because most of us rely on the internet and constant online communication for work.

There may come a day when you’re scrambling at work, drained from all of the deadlines and message notifications, and think, “I just want to run away from all this.” Well, that’s exactly what I did. This is my story about how I ran away to Pulau Ubin to escape the digital world in November 2022 and ended up becoming a missing person in Singapore.

Trigger warning: Mentions of depression and suicidal tendencies. 

Moments before disaster struck

Image credit: Ezekiel

At that time, I was a 20-year-old international student, studying communications and staying in university hall full time. Unlike my Singaporean peers who stayed with their families during weekends, I didn’t have a home outside of campus to go to.

I was still navigating my way through this new country and trying to juggle academics along with it. The pandemic had caused issues with my course scheduling, so I ended up having to overload classes that semester. On top of all that, personal gripes and financial worries added to this weight on my shoulders. So all in all, I was stressed.

In hindsight, it doesn’t sound like much, and my mental health at the time clearly intensified the situation. However, it was still burdensome – there were back-to-back projects, assignments, and meetings which left me glued to my devices. Not to mention, insomniac nights of doomscrolling.

We were approaching the end of the semester, so submissions were on the horizon. Our ideas were failing and I kept getting rejected by potential interviewees for articles I wanted to write. Adding to the stress was the fact that all of my project groups had to schedule frequent meetings or unearthly working times.

For a few weeks leading up to that day, there had been dread bubbling in my stomach but I shrugged it off to deal with during my winter vacation; there was just too much work to complete.  But to those people who have gone through burnout before, you’d know that it hits you when you least expect it – and all at once.

Which leads us to that faithful November morning.

8am: Waking up to 1,000 Telegram notifications

Image for illustrative purposes only.

At 8am, I felt the familiar buzzing of my phone atop my pillow, assuming it to be one of the 5 10-minute-interval alarms I set up. Instead, I was met with a mishmash of notifications going off. I opened my phone to see the Telegram App icon with 1,000+ notifications and Whatsapp with 100+ notifications, from different project, family, and friend group chats.

It was so overwhelming that a switch flicked in my brain. There were no tears or screaming, I just quietly set my phone aside and got up. It was time to run away.

8.30am: The idea to escape sets in

As a first-time international student in Singapore, my introduction to the city was window-shopping at Orchard Road and admiring the glittering facade of Marina Bay Sands. I’d researched nature reserves and parks in Singapore, but had not had the chance to visit most of them. One of the main ones I wanted to see was Pulau Ubin.

The island’s name had been tossed around by some school seniors before and it sparked my curiosity. I was shocked that a place with a German Girl Shrine and mangroves could even exist in this modern city. However, the island was quite literally on the other end of the country from me, and none of my friends were the outdoorsy kind so I was left to my imagination.

Until that morning, that is.

I’ve seen all the films and shows, where the main character has their big “I QUIT!” moment and runs away to Italy or Hawaii. As a broke university student, that wasn’t really in the cards. The closest alternative I could think of was Pulau Ubin.

With that, a thought set in: What if I ventured to Pulau Ubin for the day and left all my electronic devices behind?

I thought it was reasonable enough, nothing too drastic. So I quickly stuffed my bag with a change of clothes, an umbrella, a book, a water bottle, camera, and took the first bus out of campus.

9am: Getting to Ubin

Image adapted from: Land Transport Guru

Upon reaching Boon Lay MRT station, I realised I didn’t actually know how to get to there. I asked the MRT staff at the kiosk if they could provide me written instructions with directions to Pulau Ubin. It wasn’t the weirdest ask, considering the amount of tourists that come to Singapore. They were nice enough to give me the bus route and the return journey.

Tanah Merah MRT -> via Bus 2 -> Changi Point Ferry Terminal -> via ferry -> Pulau Ubin

Pulau Ubin -> via ferry -> Changi Point Ferry Terminal -> via Bus 29 -> Tampines MRT -> via Bus 10 -> East Coast Park 

Let me tell you, being on an MRT ride across Singapore with no phone is a lot more excruciating than you may think. I sometimes forget how much of a sensory overload it is, from the “Please mind the gap” announcements and door beepings, to the various fragrances and stenches of passengers on board. My hands also felt antsy as there was no phone to look at to seem busy.

Being able to see all the different stops along the East-West line, allowed me to see all the different kinds of commuters and areas of the nation I didn’t even know existed. At that point, I had reached Simei.

Image credit: @ahxuncorner via Instagram

I began to enjoy the relief of not having a phone on my bus ride to the ferry station. The route took me past Changi Prison, Changi Chapel Museum, and a bunch of fancy landed properties that I could only fantasise about living in.

It was nearly 1pm when I finally reached Changi Point Ferry Terminal, but I ended up having to wait at least an hour to board my first ferry ride in Singapore, as we had to wait till the minimum 12 pax/ferry was reached.

Since it was a Thursday, not a lot of people were expected to go to the island. This was fine by me because that meant more seclusion. And as the engine started and the salty air hit my face, my stomach began to tingle with the expectation of something good.

1pm: “Where did he go?”

However, I wasn’t the only one with a tingling in their stomachs. Spiderman can’t beat a mother’s spidey senses, even from India. I used to call my parents twice a day – at lunch and post-dinner. So when lunch hour came around and there was no call, something tripped my mother’s instinct.

She started calling me, and of course, I didn’t pick up since my phone wasn’t with me. When there was no response after a few tries, she looked for my phone on FindMyiPhone. Sure enough, it was in my room, confusing her even more.

My mother then texted one of my university friends to check if everything was alright. But when he went to knock on my window, I was obviously nowhere to be found.

Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen

My parents always said that despite Singapore being so safe, they were always worried about me being abroad and out of reach from them. All they can do is sit and ponder and take every malady and misfortune I face to the extreme.

My friends went to Campus Security on behalf of my parents who rushed over to my hall and opened my room. When they found nothing strange about it, other than the fact that I left my devices behind, my parents urged my friends to lodge a missing person report as soon as possible, stating that this whole situation looked like a recipe for a very specific disaster.

After all, a stressed teenager going AWOL definitely rang a few alarm bells in their mind.

Meanwhile…

Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen

The wave of respite already hit me when I saw the wooden “Welcome to Pulau Ubin” sign. Everything was fresh and new and there were no glass skyscrapers and pings in sight. I quickly hopped to a bike rental store and followed the sign boards to Chek Jawa Wetlands.

That’s me rediscovering nature, while all of my friends and family were worried sick. 

Solo explorations seemed boring to me before this; why wouldn’t you want company to share beautiful sights or hilarious fumbles with? I won’t lie, at the beginning of the increasingly uphill trail, I was looking for some company to push me on, to talk about how bad my thighs were burning from the cycling, and to discuss whether the sound from the bushes was a wild boar or a Pontianak. 

But soon I came to enjoy the solitude and being able to stop whenever I wanted to take a breather, or closely inspect a part of the forest.

Pictures I took with my camera.
Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen

When it was finally time to park the bike and trek over to the wetlands, I was filled with childlike enthusiasm, and thought about whether wetlands would look as good as they do online. Safe to say, it’s way better. I think I sat for 2 hours at the boardwalk, getting slowly sunburnt but in utter bliss thinking how I had done what I set out to do, and it was all worth it.

Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen

I took for granted how much history Singapore has despite its tiny size. When I chanced upon House No. 1, a colonial vacation home which is now a mini-museum, and spotted the crustaceans and fish at the Mangroves, it ignited parts of myself that had been shelved away by work, like my love for history and marine life.

I couldn’t believe I could just sail off to this island and admire all these wonderful sights. My hometown, Hyderabad, is an inland city, so the closest beaches were a plane ride away. Back home, it would probably cost around $100 for me to escape to nature, whereas this $4 boat ride took me to paradise within minutes.

With each step, I felt like my body reset and piece by piece the stresses seemed so nonsensical compared to all of the living, breathing things around me.

I spotted this family of wild boars
Image credit: Ezekiel Sen

On my way back to the ferry, I was halted in my tracks by a family of wild boars. I’ve heard the stories of horrific attacks and casualties, so I kind of just froze there, not in fear but in wonder. I thought about how if I were busy checking my phone or something, I would miss them entirely. Zack-1, Phone-0.

5.30pm: Returning to mainland

Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen

I reached the mainland and took a bus to Tampines Interchange. When I got there, I saw a pasar malam and realised I hadn’t really eaten anything except a lone curry puff for lunch. To quell my grumbling stomach, I munched on a Ramly Burger and a honeycomb ice cream sundae.

I was oblivious to the fact that not too far away in Kallang, my aunt was on the phone with SPF, lodging a missing person report and coordinating with my uni friends to find me. When I first came to Singapore, my parents had asked her to be my local guardian. We hadn’t met in a long time, though. So you can imagine the shock she got when my parents rang her up about this.

Image for illustrative purposes only.
Image credit: Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona via Unsplash.

My friends were asked to name the most likely places I could be. Much to the officers’ chagrin, I frequented places all over, from a community centre in Jurong to Gardens By The Bay. Nonetheless, the officers took the lead and began their search.

Hope back home in India reached an all-time low, with my family expecting the worst. I’m a chronically online person who responds to most messages and calls instantaneously, so it was worrying to them that I hadn’t replied for more than 3 hours. My father decided to fly down to Singapore that night so he could be there in person to try and find me.

7pm: Hanging out at my favourite place in Singapore

Image credit: Ezekiel Sen

My final stop was none other than the rippling-waved beaches of East Coast Park. Having gone on more than one late-night rendezvous with my friends, East Coast Park was by far my favourite place in Singapore. It made sense that it would be the final landmark of this spontaneous escape, as the park had seen me through a lot of my time in the country.

It was where I went on my first terrible date, where I spent my first New Year’s in Singapore, and where I would still my mind in the wee hours of the morning by laying down on the breakwaters and listening to the waves.

The finale of my plan involved spending a few hours by the beach before taking a cab back home. Midway through, I realised that without a phone, there would be no way for me to book a cab – so I decided to stake out the night until the buses and MRT started running in the morning.

I managed to finish my Junji Ito graphic novel, take a shower, and play on the swing set. My legs then grew weary and I rested on one of the benches on the beach. Throughout all of this, I felt like this was one of the best decisions of my life, there was not an ounce of burnout left in me.

The day reminded me that there was a world outside of work. Despite all my stresses and faux pas, the world didn’t break down. And so why should I break down over interactions and deadlines that don’t feel as real as the sand flies and wet grass at the park?

11pm: Found by the police

Police cars usually do their rounds in ECP at night to check for unruly behaviour. So when one stopped in front of me while I was walking back from the beach, I didn’t think anything of it.

It was only when I heard, “Are you Zack?”, coming out of the car’s window did I stop in my tracks. It was really strange as my government name isn’t even Zack, so I was shocked to hear that these policemen knew my nickname. My first instinct was that I probably did something wrong in Pulau Ubin. I slowly turned back and replied, “Yes…?”

2 police officers got out of the car and took me to a bench nearby. They then told me about the whole ordeal – about how everyone was looking for me and thought I was missing. It’s a strange thing to process, the fact that everyone thinks something bad has happened to you while you were just galavanting around an island.

Image for illustrative purposes only.
Image credit: S5A-0043 via Wikimedia Commons

All I could feel was guilt; guilt that I let my family and friends get so worried about my condition, guilt that these policemen had to come late at night to ECP to pick up this random boy, and guilt that for me to be able to heal and escape, all of this chaos had to occur.

The officers conducted a quick bag check, body check, and breathalyser test, just to see whether I was trying to hurt myself or was intoxicated, and soon I was in the back of the police car heading to my aunt’s house. They then got me through to my father who was about to board his flight to Singapore, tearing up with relief through the phone call.

At that point, my mind just went blank and I couldn’t believe any of this was real. I spent the rest of the car ride dissociating; everything seemed so distant from what I had originally perceived this day to be.

12am: Arriving at my Aunt’s house

I’m not the closest with my aunt and her family. We never met often in India and even in Singapore, I see them only every few months. They just knew me as the cousin in funky t-shirts who refused to wear shorts. So when they opened the door to 2 policemen and me, they couldn’t have been more shocked.

They too were international residents who tried their best to stay out of trouble, and here I was bringing the law into their house.

We all sat down at the dining table as one of the officers pulled up the case file and passed me a form to fill up. I was filling up the form as a witness, to my own missing person’s case, and honestly, that’s what it felt like.

The last thing I remember from that night was my aunt getting my mother and sister on the line to speak with me. They seemed inconsolable and, at that point, I couldn’t understand why. To me, I had just been gone 10 hours, but to them, it seemed a lot longer.

Image for illustrative purposes only.

My aunt led me to a neatly made bed, which was far more comfortable than the bench I chose to wait at in ECP, and with no videos or music to distract me, my body laid into a quick and comfortable rest.

The next day…

I woke up to hear a familiar laughter outside my aunt’s guestroom. It was my father. He was drinking coffee with my aunt, laughing over some childhood story of theirs. When I stepped out, he lunged at me with a hug. I partly expected him to be upset, but I think my aunt did a good enough job of helping him understand the situation as it was.

We then headed back to the university to tell Campus Security and the rest that I was alright and retrieve my phone and computer. On the way, my father told me that I should just leave Singapore if it’s causing me such misery, though I think we both knew that that wasn’t a feasible idea. His parental instincts had taken over, understanding that the only way to truly stay protecting me was to ask me to come back to India and live with them.

He stayed on for a few days and when I dropped him off at the airport, I assured him that I was truly feeling a lot lighter and that I wouldn’t do something like this again. It’s still something that makes my parents shudder, so we don’t bring it up often.

Taking a break from the online world

It’s now been nearly 2 years since the great escape to Pulau Ubin. It makes for a good fun fact when meeting new people, although my mental health at the time was anything but fun.

Since then, I’ve tried my best to start reevaluating and addressing my own capacity in the simplest ways. I take more naps, monitor my screen time, and am more communicative with work boundaries. It’s quite remarkable that all of these solutions sprouted from me being digitally burnt out and doing something this drastic just to be away from all of the hyperproductivity and notifications.

If I had to tell myself something before I embarked on this digital world escape, I would say that nothing is set in stone. That blaring deadline that keeps popping up as a reminder on your phone or the looming rent payment can be shifted.

As for taking a break, it might sound cliche but especially in a place like Singapore, nature is one of the best places to escape to. I know, I know, touch grass, but aside from it being scientifically proven, it’s also just a reminder that there is a world outside of your day-to-day duties.

Image for illustrative purposes only.

That being said, another thing that I learned from this whole experience was the fact that there really is no escape from the digital world. We are so dependent on communicating through it, working through it, buying through it, even doing medical check-ups through it, and things are likely only going to get more intense with advancements in AI.

Things don’t seem to be easing up in the working world either, with taking long blocks of leave being more and more frowned upon. So, is there truly an escape? I can’t say for sure, but I’m sure we’ll find better ailments than becoming a missing person in Singapore.

For other stories on being on the grind, check out:

• Quitting your job without a backup
• Juggling two jobs in Singapore
• Being retrenched twice.

Cover image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen, S5A-0043 via Wikimedia Commons

The post I Escaped To Pulau Ubin Without My Phone & Here’s How I Became A Missing Person In Singapore appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

We’re fortunate to live in a world where options are aplenty when it comes to jobs. There’s the beauty industry, media agencies, and healthcare sectors, just to name a few. And perhaps a lesser-known career would be one in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), especially when combined with hair care.

You read that right – Lingyan, a consultant at Beijing 101, has a job that dabbles in both scalp care and TCM. She shares more about her 9 years with the company, and the pros and cons of being in this seemingly elusive career.

Starting out as a shampooist at 14 years old

Lingyan’s journey started when she was just a young 14-year-old child. Back in China, she would work part-time in a hair salon. Her daily routine included sweeping the floor and restocking products. Slowly, she learnt more complex tasks like shampooing and cutting hair, which cultivated her growing interest in this trade.

Image credit: Freepik

She moved over to Singapore at 21 years old and continued working as a hairstylist in a neighbourhood salon. In the next few years, she got married and gave birth to her first child. Working as a hairstylist while caring for a baby was difficult – she was constantly exposed to harsh chemicals at work, and however thoroughly she washed her hands, she still felt that it was unsafe to touch her child.

Image for illustrative purposes only.

It was only when she sought treatment for post-partum hair loss, that she was introduced to Beijing 101. She was intrigued by the large use of TCM – in fact, she had wanted to study TCM in the past but the courses would take around 6 years, which weren’t ideal for her.

TCM wasn’t completely foreign to her either, given the commonality of it in China. Her family strongly believed in the benefits of TCM, given that there are almost no side effects to taking the herbs. Some TCM health treatments might take a while to produce results, but they generally help to improve your overall health too.

So, Beijing 101 introduced customised hair treatments to help with her hair loss. Throughout the process, she felt cared for and picked up some TCM-related knowledge too. Out of curiosity, she asked her consultant if they were hiring. Lo and behold, the job opportunity was available. And so, Lingyan began her career with Beijing 101.

From customer to employee at Beijing 101

Despite having prior experience at hair salons, Beijing 101 was strict on the standards their employees had. She started the compulsory training which included proper hair washing techniques and correct hair mask application. There were theory classes too, where she learned about scalp health and the various Beijing 101 products.

The training took about a month to complete during which there were hands-on sessions where she put what she learned into practice on mannequins and even on her colleagues.

She also helps mend the counters when needed. 

You might be wondering, “What’s the career progression like for someone who works at a hair salon?”. Lingyan started as a hair therapist, where she would execute basic tasks such as shampooing and applying treatment for customers.

In her 9 years at Beijing 101, she was promoted to a consultant, and then a supervisor where she helped mentor and guide new employees. She would help out with complicated cases and provide curated solutions for such customers. She’s since accumulated her own database of regulars who trust in her expertise. And fun fact: the hair consultant who served her during her initial visit is now her fellow employee!

Her current day-to-day is pretty jam-packed with activities. She typically sees about 10 customers each day, and most of them are her regulars, so she already has a general treatment for them in mind. She’ll do a scalp and root analysis, then proceed with treatment, and any needed aftercare.

When asked if she enjoys her job, Lingyan answers with an immediate “Yes”. She shares that she can learn new TCM knowledge from the in-house physician, and this translates into her work with her customers. And because every customer’s scalp is different, she actively uses her brain juices to identify the issues and problem-solve.

Goodbye toxic chemicals, hello natural Chinese herbs.

Beyond that, it’s clear that Lingyan finds satisfaction in her job. She stated that it’s fulfilling when she sees customers coming back to her with a healthy scalp, knowing that she’s played a part in bettering their hair journey. Also, she no longer deals with harsh chemicals at work – a major plus point given that she now has 2 little ones to care for.

What it’s like having a career in TCM in Singapore

Whether you’re considering a career in TCM or simply curious, it’s worth understanding various jobs to broaden your general knowledge. Admittedly, it’s easy to misunderstand a career when you’re unfamiliar with it, and the same goes for health treatments.

During my chat with Lingyan, I had the chance to undergo the Meridian Hair Growth Treatment by Beijing 101. Before the treatment, I had assumed that my scalp’s condition was normal given that I didn’t suffer from extremities like dandruff or oily scalp.

But wow, was I wrong. During the pre-treatment scalp scan, it was revealed that my hair follicles were clogged, and my scalp was pretty oily. Lingyan explained that this might’ve been the cause of stress, poor diet, and lack of sleep – all of which I suffered from. She proposed that I do the Meridian Hair Growth Treatment to elevate and revive my jialat scalp.

We started off the treatment with the Scalp Purification Treatment. This hair mask helps to gently cleanse the scalp with gentle ingredients. Adios, oil, dirt, and bacteria.

Next step: a thorough hair wash. Herbal shampoo and conditioner were used, which cleansed my hair without stripping it of its natural oils. And BTW, there was not a whiff of the pungent smell of Chinese herbs that some of us might be concerned about.

The hair-washing process included the comprehensive Meridian Hair Spa Wash and Scalp Massage, which incorporates TCM-based acupressure massage to stimulate hair growth. She also used a customised hair tonic that’s formulated with premium Chinese herbs to nourish my hair follicles.

Following this was the Alpha Beam Laser Light Therapy. Don’t be alarmed by the glowing lights – these help the hair tonic penetrate even deeper, boost scalp health, and restore hair growth. You won’t feel anything during these 10 minutes of light therapy, so just sit back and let the equipment do its thang.

They won’t let you leave the salon with messy hair. Lingyan proceeded to blow-dry and style my tresses while imparting more knowledge on TCM-based hair practices. “The human hair and scalp are linked to the body’s Qi, as well as blood circulation. You can tell a lot about someone’s health through the hair and scalp condition,” she stated.

The before and after of my scalp.
Image adapted from: Beijing 101

We concluded the session with a post-treatment scalp scan and review. The results were drastic; there were little to no clogged hair follicles, and my scalp looked squeaky clean. While healing my scalp health would take a couple of sessions, there was an admirable difference compared to my initial scan.

Suffice to say that the treatment brought about significant improvements in a single session. If you’re intrigued to learn about your hair health, take note – from now till 31st August 2024, you can book a trial Meridian Hair Growth Treatment at just $50 (U.P. $624). You’ll also receive a free Nourishing Shampoo with the treatment.

For those who may be facing hair loss, hair thinning, dandruff, and oily or dry scalp, this treatment is worth a try. Take advantage of this promotion and get to the root of your hair issues.

Find out more about Beijing 101’s treatments

This post was brought to you by Beijing 101.
Photography by Lee Pei Yi. 

The post This Is Why I Chose To Dedicate My Career To TCM For 9 Years After It Cured My Hair Loss appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.

Singaporeans have always had a knack for acknowledging our own culture quirks. From our somewhat odd food choices to the well-known reputation of being kiasu, we not only embrace these stereotypes, but are able to laugh at ourselves. Now, have you ever wondered what culture shocks our neighbours in Malaysia face when they come to Singapore? Especially Malaysians who actually stay among us?

We satisfy the kaypoh curious and inquisitive nature in you by interviewing some Malaysians living in Singapore. From our vernacular to the cost of living, here are the biggest culture shocks they experienced upon moving to our Little Red Dot.

Note: Responses have been edited for clarity. Some names have been changed for anonymity.

1. Food in Singapore is actually pretty good

Believe me, I once roasted my Singaporean friends for their “pale bak kut teh” as well.
Image credit: Eatbook

“Controversial, I know. Please don’t revoke my Malaysian citizenship! Hahaha. While there are some dishes which always taste better in Malaysia, the food here is objectively not as bland and inferior as the jokes and memes make it out to be.

I also realised after a while that Singapore’s versions of some dishes have been adapted to suit local tastes, and incorporate elements of other cuisines to make a unique spin-off version. So don’t think of it as better or worse bak kut teh, laksa, or roti canai/prata – but a different rendition altogether.”

– Xavier, 26, hair stylist

Image credit: Eatbook

“Trust me, more expensive doesn’t mean better. Restaurant versions of hawker dishes are usually more fancily presented, but lack the oomph that’s present in simple kopitiam fare which can cost a tenth of the price in comparison.

As a foodie, I appreciate the fact that for its small size, Singapore has lots of international cuisines to offer. I’ve seen restaurants serving authentic Burmese, Nepalese, Sri Lankan, and even Russian food. Peninsula Plaza, in particular, is such a treasure trove of Burmese delicacies that the entire building has been nicknamed “Little Myanmar’’.”

– Nathia, 32, hotel receptionist

2. We’ll queue for hours for tiny discounts or food that is only so-so

“I’ve heard jokes of queuing behind Singapore’s “national sport”, but I always thought it’d be for things that are really a must-get, like big sales and sought-after releases like Pop Mart collections or the McDonald’s x Hello Kitty collab. In my time here, I’ve seen people forming snaking queues for the most minute of perks, like getting a free sample of a promotional drink.

I work in the CBD, which is a hotspot for pop-up events. Sometimes, my colleagues ask me to join them to queue for pop-up samples just as a way to take a break from work – and score a little freebie at the end. I applaud Singaporeans’ endurance. I get a little mind-blown at how they are able to stand for hours at a time and get rejuvenated when they get the goods at the end.”

– Jing Yi, 31, financial analyst

“In the early days at my job, I was advised by my colleagues to suss out how delicious a kopitiam stall’s offerings are by the length of the queue. After all, it must be testament of their food’s standard if they manage to attract so many customers, right? Well, it turns out that many Singaporeans have a mindset of “got queue = good stuff”, so they join in when they see a line forming.

This leads to more and more customers following suit, and at the end, the food might not even be that great. This is a lesson I learnt the hard way, and funnily enough, the way I determine where to dabao my lunch now is to find the stall with the shortest, or no queue. It’s to save time, and for me to potentially discover a hidden gem. Alternatively, I give the eatery a quick search online to see if they have mostly positive Google ratings.”

– Mikael, 34, IT engineer

3. We don’t speak perfectly proper English & will judge those who don’t

I thought all Singaporeans were judgemental tai-tai types, by default.

“As someone who did not receive much higher education, the thought of communicating in day-to-day life once I moved to Singapore stressed me out. Even for things like ordering food or talking to service staff, I felt very self-conscious that people would recognise my accent or judge me for not speaking more “properly”.

It was to the point where I tried to keep my mouth shut as much as possible, and try to communicate in just nods or going “mm”. Over time, I realised that the general public does not care, or even notice whether or not you speak in posh or “perfect” English. I also love the incorporations of Malay and Hokkien in Singlish and Singaporean slang; it makes me feel a lot more connected and “in the know” with people I talk to here.”

– Kiat Wee, 26, chef

4. We use Malay terms in everyday speech but often butcher them

“I was told that Singapore mainly uses English for communication in public, with things like official signs being stated in the country’s 4 official languages. To my surprise, Malay terms are thrown into everyday exchanges a lot, but it took me a long time to pick up on the fact that they’re Malay words, because it often gets butchered severely.

I remember almost laughing out loud when I heard my colleagues casually drop Malay word mispronunciations like “tombalek” instead of “terbalik”, and “baluku” instead of “buah duku”. It makes me so curious, where and how did it go so wrong? No offense guys! Always happy to help point out the right pronunciation.”

– Asyraf, 29, security supervisor

5. SG is not just a concrete jungle but has lots of nature spots as well

“Before moving here, I’d always envisioned Singapore to be purely made up of skyscrapers, and look and feel a bit soulless. Turns out, there are many pretty parks across the small country. My favourite is when architecture gets blended with nature, giving the “garden city” vibe.

CapitaSpring Green Oasis is one of the best examples where lush greenery creeps into the concrete jungle. I also love to explore different neighbourhood parks with my partner every weekend, going on cycling dates or just having a stroll. It’s a good way to get our steps in!

We like that there are dedicated park connectors with clear-cut paths for walking and cycling. When we want to really go ham, we try to conquer a hiking trail or two.

I was also very surprised that bird-spotting is quite a big thing among local communities. While I’m not that much of an enthusiast myself, the excitement rubs off on me when I’m chilling at a park and some excited uncles and aunties carrying binoculars cheer over a rare sighting.”

– Nathia, 32, hotel receptionist

6. We think that local guys can be “soft” until they go to army

“Coming to Singapore to study, I heard many stereotypes that Singaporean guys only become “real men” after they go through 2 years of National Service (NS). This warped my perception a lot when it came to dating as I felt that I could only consider post-ORD guys, otherwise they’d lack maturity and toughness.

The Ah Boys To Men movie franchise was a hit in Malaysia, fuelling the flames of stereotypes from soft and sheltered soldiers to the macho sergeant.
Image adapted from: Netflix

It was so prevalent that my girl friends would disapprove of anyone in the friend group going out with a suitor who had either yet to enlist, or yet to complete the 2 years. Of course, this mindset probably resulted from just a handful of horror stories that got passed down over the years, and are not representative of local dudes across the board.

Now I realise that NS isn’t some magical phase of life that can flip the switch on what a guy is like. It really boils down to the individual. Sounds obvious, I know. But for a period of time, I seriously subscribed to the belief that upon the ORD ceremony, the entire group of people would suddenly transform into next-level macho men.”

– Jesslyn, 26, retail associate

7. SG is not super expensive, there are cheap & good things too

“Yes, there are a lot of things that shocked me to my core when I picked up the price tag. A lot of my Malaysian peers still feel that Singapore is cripplingly expensive to live in, especially with all the news in recent years about hitting new cost of living records, and the GST hikes.

It takes a bit of digging, but there are cheap ways to settle your food and shopping. The most common one would be hawker food, which is not only a stomach filler for around $4-$6 but can also taste quite good. For shopping, my partner and I like to check Daiso Singapore first to see if they have what we need at cheap prices, like crockery and even basic cookware.”

– Mikael, 34, IT engineer

“A lot of attractions in Singapore have pretty high ticket prices, so I would only splurge on them if my family from Malaysia are visiting. My #1 date spot with my boyfriend is Jewel Changi! It’s pretty, has a lot of shops to jalan jalan around, and there’s free air-con.

Gardens by the Bay also has free-to-roam areas, and a nightly music and light show, just like the Rain Vortex one at Jewel Changi. I think I just love music and light shows haha. When I’m feeling bored over the weekends, I’ll do some research for free things to do in Singapore or free date ideas.”

– Jing Yi, 31, financial analyst

Stay connected beyond borders with Maybank

Whether you find these culture shocks eye-opening or chuckle-worthy, one thing’s for certain: there’s an unspoken connection between Singapore and Malaysia that’s just so wholesome. If you’re a Malaysian working in Singapore or know someone who fits the bill, we’ve got a lobang to share with you: a suite of digital services under Maybank Beyond Borders.

Those in this boat know the hassle of having to get your finances sorted, be it opening up a new bank account, acquiring a debit card for payments and ATM withdrawals, or very importantly – sending money to your family back home.

Using the Maybank2u SG (Lite) app, Malaysians carving out their future across the border can save themselves a lot of hassle shuffling between 2 countries. Here are the benefits at a glance:

• Maybank Malaysia customers can open a Maybank Singapore savings account online in Singapore without the need to visit a branch.
• View your regional accounts and transaction history across Singapore and Malaysia in a single dashboard, without having to toggle between different apps.
• Send money via PayNow Overseas to your contacts in Malaysia, with zero fees and competitive exchange rates.
• Instantly transfer funds at competitive exchange rates to your Maybank Malaysia account with zero fees, or any bank in Malaysia at S$2 per transfer. Available 24/7, even on public holidays.

The all-in-one app also allows you to track your expenses and set savings goals. You no longer need to stress about the nitty gritty of money matters. Even setting up a Maybank Singapore account can be settled entirely online, with the debit card delivered to your house, even if it’s in Malaysia!

If you’ve yet to sign up on the Maybank2u SG (Lite) app, there are some ongoing promos to get the ball rolling. For one, pay your Maybank Malaysia credit card bills and loans via Regional View to get a 10% rebate. You’ll also get S$50 cashback when you send money to Malaysia via the app.

For those who are embarking on a new chapter of life from Malaysia to Singapore, or have already settled in here and are looking for more convenient and seamless solutions to managing your money, give Maybank a go.

Find out more about Maybank Beyond Borders 

*Terms and conditions apply. Insured up to S$100k by SDIC.

This post was brought to you by Maybank Singapore.

The post 7 Biggest Culture Shocks Shared By Malaysians Living In SG, From Kiasu-ness To Dating Stereotypes appeared first on TheSmartLocal - Singapore's Leading Travel and Lifestyle Portal.